Born a Monster

Chapter 3

Koputiki

The village of Koputiki had once been claimed by the Queendom of Basilla, who hadn’t sent a ship north to visit in about two years.

Every fourteen years, the local spiders had a population boom, and started coming over the walls. The latest one was due four or five months ago.

“We’ve cleaned out spiders before!” Kismet said.

“We had soldiers with us.”

.....

“They were bigger spiders.”

I had seen the Spider Queen. “Yes, some were larger than others.”

“See?”

“We had soldiers with us then.”

“The natives have to have soldiers. At least people who can handle themselves around spiders.”

“It’s not a place I care to be dropped off, without a means off the island.”

“Okay, what about here, then? Neo Esteban.”

“How is your Neonen?” I asked in Neonen.

“Boys! Okay, then Boadicea’s Girdle. We both speak Manoran.”

“Other than the carnivorous fish-folk here, I think that may be our best bet.” I admitted. “We should probably count on Vernice being our port of call, though.”

“What, the Furdian vessel is going to the Furdian port? How very racist of you, Rhishi.”

“Getting upset because it isn’t where you want to go won’t change where the captaine decides where we land.”

“A few words from you will change where we land.” She insested.

I sighed. “I’ve been wrong before. I doubt the captaine will throw us overboard for asking.”

“I dunno.” She said. “I’ve seen you ask for things before.”

“Not. Helping.”

She giggled. “I know.”

But, as the ambassador, it was mine to ask.

Some captains keep their rooms at the forecastle, where they can see where their ship is going. Captaine Levemont kept hers in the aftcastle, nearer to the helm and rudder.

“Captaine?”

“Enter. I hear rumors that we’re putting in at the port of Boadicea’s Girdle?”

“It seems to be where we can do the most good. May I speak to you about the merits of other destinations?”

“About time. Close the damn door behind you.”

“Why not Vernice? You two seem acquainted with Furdish culture, and it would be a comfortable enough place to stay while you take in an understanding of the islands.”

“Any political gains from Vernice will be trumped by ambassador Sholwyr in Lewardsport. If I am to do my job, I must trust her to do hers.”

“Well, hybrid humans aren’t much liked in Yvettesport or Lavin Buscala, so I’m glad you’re not going there. If you wanted to go to Neo Esteban, I’ve a barrel of pitch you can use to set it on fire.”

Would I light a settlement on fire just to complete this job? Yes, I decided. I would gladly do that. I wish I knew how to make marshmallows, just in case I had to put one of these settlements to the torch.

“But if you’re really willing for a conflict, defeating the Daurian fleet around Prison Exile Island would win you some converts among anyone you take off that island.”

“I think that will take some manner of troops that I currently don’t have.” Honestly, I had sneaky thoughts about that particular, and had written them out on a page of missive to go back to the homeland.

“I think I prefer Boadicea’s Girdle, but if the vessel is going to Vernice, I can certainly get a vessel from there.”

“Ha! Trading vessel, ambassador. We’re going to all of the ports where we’re welcome. Just warn your vixen that we’re stopping in Vernice first.”

#

“But Spiiiders, Rhishi! Did you tell the captain that spiders are probably eating people as we speak?”

“I do believe I started with saying we wanted to go to Boadicea’s Girdle.”

“Did you say why?”

“...”

“Boys! Useless! You wait right there!”

“I’ll meet you in the mess hall.”

“No, you be right there.”

So of course, I went to the mess hall. Given the time of day, it was when the sweeping and swabbing happened.

Fists on her hips, but amused look on her face, Kismet announced, “Boadicea’s Girdle, first stop.”

“Good for you.” I said, wringing the mop out. “Care to help us swap the hall out?”

“We’re on the bear tomorrow, ambassador.” She called out, leaving the hall.

“Just so we’re all clear, you’re the one in charge?” Glenn the Green asked. Don’t ask me why. His eyes weren’t green, he never wore green, and his hair was blond. Glenn the Yellow was the redhead.

I pushed my swab around. “Kismet likes pushing around the bear, does it surprise anyone she pushes me around, too?”

We all had a laugh at that.

“But no, really? You both killed spiders?”

“From the size of thumbnails to small ponies.”

“So about man size?”

“Closer to mine, maybe two spans longer from head to end of abdomen than I am tall.”

“Must take some manner of courage.”

“Teamwork is more important, but yes, it also takes courage. And oil, for when the little ones swarm.”

“I’ll stick with the hardships at sea, thank you.”

“As you would. It’s not work for those who don’t want to do it. Dangerous, deadly, unpredictable.”

“Get enough of all three of those just staying shipboard.”

“What do spiders taste like?” asked a crew member whose name I didn’t know.

“Amazingly, a lot like crocodile. No clue why, they’re nothing alike.”

“Ugh. Crocodiles always taste like they’ve got sand in their flesh.”

“Spider has a texture a lot like crab.” I said. “Just not the taste.”

“Hrm. Maybe the captain will let us cook some, learn for ourselves.”

To this end, I discussed sauces with the cooks while preparing dinner that night.

“You are just EVIL.” Kismet told me.

“How so?”

“We’re not even halfway complete with our journey, and the crew is talking about boiled spider legs.”

“They asked. You know how little I can exaggerate. Besides, you can tell them why you hate spider meat.”

“They’re looking forward to a month of salt beef and fish! You could tell them dog meat was at the end of the journey, and they’d be slobbering.”

#

She may have had a point. The crew had caught a shark in their net, and it was an act worthy of song to get even a palmful of raw shark flesh. I can see why people soak it in vinegar, to counteract the taste of ammonia.

YES! Eternal tooth replacement! There were other evolutions in there, some of which I needed. But if you’ve read the previous volume of this series, you realize how often my teeth break, especially in the recent past.

And, as I’ve indicated, there is no food to spare on a distance-sailing vessel. So... it would just wait.

Once treated, a process which can be combined with infusion, shark meat absorbs the flavors of any spices or other foods it is cooked with. They were like tiny flavor bombs in the soup, and added nutrition to each serving. Not more than fish or salt beef would have, but the taste!

I’m sorry to any Aware sharks out there, but your non-sentient brethren are incredibly tasty.

.....

Bounty of the ocean indeed!

That night, the games and music and dancing were inspired. Well, maybe those of other people. One of my talons got caught in a crack, and sent me tumbling.

“Rhishi, are you okay?”

“The ankle is sprained, not broken.” I said.

“No that tumble that made mockery of your manhood. Are you okay?”

“I am your friend, Kismet, no matter how mean you are to me.”

“You usually deserve it.”

And usually, I do.

“I’ll say he deserves it. Look what his feet have done to our pitch!”

“Wait, are you saying that a ditch in the pitch gave him the stitch?”

It didn’t catch on, but yes, somewhere on the high seas that song might still be known to this day.

I know it came up again during our voyage.

And just by coincidence, I got to pour pitch into that crack. It didn’t take much, for all the hassle it caused me.

But I was careful to wear boots for the rest of the journey, much as they felt like foot torture devices.

It seemed like a tiny mistake to me, and the crew stopped talking of it after a few days.

“Best you and your friend stay off the deck for a few nights.” Bosun Smythe told me.

“If this is about that incident with the tar, I’d rather face whatever crew members are angry enough to offer violence.” I replied.

“The incident – no, this isn’t about that. I’d put it entirely out of mind, and you should as well. During the nights when a blue moon is full, merfolk come near the surface to gaze upon its beauty. Depending upon whether they’ve fed recently or not, there may be an attack.”

“I thought only volcanoes caused the moon to be full.”

“Indeed, Makura Island is formed from an active volcano.”

I looked up at the waxing moon. It was, indeed blue.

#